I’m officially into the what-day-is-it? stage of vacation. I’ve spent the last few days on the couch with a series of books and a box of tissues. Over the weekend, I made a pot of gluten-free chicken noodle soup and yesterday I finished up the last of bread and jam. Today I actually left the house to pick up some supplies. I got a toaster oven, too.

My homemade gluten free bread doesn’t always hold together all that well, and it turns out that if you leave the little broken pieces in the bottom of the toaster long enough, they get super toasty and trigger the smoke alarm. My toaster is currently sitting in a snowbank on the deck both airing out and cooling down. I’m hoping the toaster oven will work out a little better.

The timing for this vacation has worked out perfectly. I’m on break both from work and from my classes. My first chair has approved my data analysis and sent it over to my second chair, telling me to enjoy a well-earned rest. If she also approves it, I’ll start working on my final project next week. The end is in sight.

My plan for this week was that I would drive down to North Carolina to visit Wes. Unfortunately, I brought my car in for a check-up last Tuesday, and it hasn’t come home yet. Last I heard from the mechanic was that it might not be home this week, either.

So I’m sticking close to home. Today I finished another book and organized and decluttered the utility room. I also watched tv, bought groceries, and spent some time on Facebook. I’m relaxing and resting.

Sometimes, we need to give ourselves permission to stop. To take a break and relax. To rest. Sometimes it’s our own expectations for ourselves that are too high. I know that I expect more of myself than I do of anyone else. And I think, for the most part, that that’s ok. As a teacher, I know the importance of high expectations. But they also need to be clear and realistic. They need to be within reach. And I need to acknowledge that some days my reach is shorter. Some days I’m just not up to writing. Some days I’d rather watch tv then read. Some days I just don’t have the energy to do the dishes.

And all of that is ok. Because none of those are big-ticket items. None of those will make or break my future or influence my eternity.

There’s so much reassurance in the promise that my salvation is not earned, because that would be an extremely unrealistic expectation. If I can’t even get myself to wash the dishes every day, how could I possibly live a good enough lifestyle to earn my way into Heaven? If Heaven were dependent on my behavior and achievements, not only would I not be good enough, but that heaven wouldn’t be good enough, either.

Nope. I’m holding out for the perfect Heaven with no tears, no fears, no pain, no sickness, and no sorrow. An eternity in our loving God’s presence that can only be entered by accepting the invitation Jesus died to deliver.

But while I’m waiting, I’ll keep muddling along down here, enjoying as many moments as I can. Making plans, but holding on to them loosely. Holding high expectations for myself and growing through my failures. And, sometimes, just resting.